It’s so funny. I’ve been single for a verrrry long time. Almost an embarrassing amount of time. Like, it’s been so long I don’t even want to tell people who I’m dating how long it’s been. Hell, even friends, it’s very hard to talk to about.
Part of the reason why is because the dating scene is honestly just so horrible. The ghosting, the love bombing, the bread crumbing…hell these are terms I’m just learning as they happen to me, and it’s such a confidence killer. Seriously, dating these days has me questioning my self-worth, and that’s just not cool.
But at the same time, now that I’ve started going on dates again, and because of one horrible failed encounter with a man that was very nearly a relationship (don’t worry, that post is coming. I just have to mentally prepare for it), I’m scared to be on my own again. I used to be a secure attachment, and because of one person, I’ve become an anxious attachment type and I’m too scared to take breaks from dating because I need to know that I’m liked and loved, and need to find that person who is willing to validate this for me.
So now I’m in this mindset that I need to have at least one date every weekend.
I know the answer is to just cut off cold turkey to rebuild myself and my confidence, and to find my self-worth again. But I’m just so scared.
I lack support through friends and family. They’re there, but they can’t be there for me in the capacity that I truly need them. And I’ve restarted therapy, but it’s still fresh, and I’m still building a rapport with my therapist. So I just feel empty and lost, and I don’t really know how to find myself again.
Denver Dating Stories 